November, 2022

strangelittlestories:

After shoving Hansel in the oven, the witch turns to Gretel – who is currently fending the witch off with a gingerbread chair – and says:

“I can’t believe you thought a trail of breadcrumbs would save you. I mean, honestly, this is a forest! It’s full of animals. Honestly, the very idea that a dumb shit like you thought you could get the better of me is absurd.”

Gretel hits her in the face with said chair. To be fair to the witch, she takes the chairshot like a champ.

“Ow!”

“Did you know,” says Gretel, “that crows are capable of facial recognition?”

“Eh?” Says the witch, clambering to her feet and pulling a candy cane sledgehammer off the wall. “What’s that got to do with anything?”

“Not only that,” Gretel continues, “but they can remember both friends and enemies. And they’ll often follow people they remember as friends.”

The two fence with their sugared weapons for a moment, before the witch knocks the chair out of Gretel’s hands.

“Enough with the bird facts! Honestly, this whole attempted escape has been utter clownshoes. Get in the fucking oven!”

She seizes Gretel by the collar. Gretel immediately sandbags, letting her whole body go limp. This eminently practical defense forces the witch to try and deadlift her. Which is hard, as the witch often skips leg day.

“For example,” Gretel says, as the witch struggles and grunts, “if you feed crows a lot of breadcrumbs, they’ll probably start to see you as a friend and follow you in the hope of more food.”

The witch stops. Outside, she hears the thunder of wings.

“They’ll even bring you shiny things they find as presents!” Says Gretel, as a corner of the gingerbread ceiling is suddenly cut away by a large crow with a knife in its mouth.

“Oh shitballs.” Says the witch, as the crows descend. “I hope you know this is a great unkindness.”

“Technically,” Says Gretel, “It’s a murder.”

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nkjemisin:

the-final-sif:

Welcome twitter users fleeing the absolute cesspool that twitter is going to become as Musk gets his way with his awful ideas! Things are better here, and hey, if you’re an old user coming back, they’ve actually improved shit!

Here’s a list of important notes for tumblr usage:

• Don’t censor words, particularly trigger warnings. Tumblr has a very functional blacklist (found in your settings) that can filter by post content and/or tags. But the word needs to actually be present for the filter to work. Censoring words like r*pe is actively harmful to people attempting to avoid those topics.
• Use tags liberally, you have as many as you want, but don’t tag unrelated shit. You’ll get reported for spam really fast if you do.
• Set an avatar and reblog things, otherwise you look like a bot.
• You are not obligated to have your real name anywhere in your blog/bio/etc. Most people here use handles.
• You can turn your ask box & anons on or off if you are experiencing any kind of harassment. You can also turn off replies on your posts, and turn off reblogs if you need to.
• Tumblr has keyboard shortcuts on desktop. You can find them listed under the blog/account menu. Go learn them, they make life so much easier.
• Reblog things. Seriously. Also set your dash in chronological order. You can maintain several blogs if need be, but reblogging things is normal, expected, and how you pass along stuff you enjoy.
• The majority of people aren’t reading your card/dni/blog bio before they reblog stuff. Posts get passed around and the OP often isn’t the focal point of the post. Learn to live with it.
• Fic writers: you have unlimited words, do not post fics as images.
• Reblogs with comments/tags are encouraged. It’s not like twitter’s QRTs. The OP will see everything there. Know that before you comment.
• You have a queue. This means you can set posts up ahead of time to run while you’re busy. You can also completely ignore this and just spam your follows whenever you’re online. Both are very commonplace
• It’s not weird to go through someone’s blog and reblog old posts. That’s actually very normal. If you add /chrono to the end of a tumblr page then you can view all the posts in chronological order to make this easier.
• “Spam” liking and reblogging isn’t a thing that is a problem. This is invented by people I do not understand. If someone claims this is a problem, they can learn how to turn off or manage their notifications.
• The only form of promotional posts that tumblr has is “blaze”. There is no ad targeting or any kind of invasions of privacy with blaze. You just get subjected to w/e someone wants to show you. If you want to give tumblr some money to help the company keep going and providing an alternative to twitter, it’s not a bad way to do it. You can make people look at cat photos.
• Also, we have fun colors here. Plus actual formatting ability. Use it!
• People lie on here for fun. Don’t accept everything you see at face value, check the reblogs/replies or google something if you’re skeptical! Critical thinking is good!
• Above all else, be chill, use your block button if you need to, and have fun.

Boosting this. I’m going to have to get my assistant to help me clean out all the bot-like accounts following me. If you’re real, set an avatar and actually act like a person! And don’t name yourself FirstnameBunchanumbers!

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Apollo! Do you want to go to school?

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