07 November 2008 by Published in: in my life 6 comments

I’m sorry I haven’t written here. There was dentist and elections and various and sundry schedule cluttered things, but mostly I’ve been mad busy the last week being a sub assistant in one of the Montessori primary classrooms at my daughter’s school. It has been way cool. Kids are amazing. Montessori is amazing. Going into a classroom and leaving everything at the door for four hours to spend time with children who live completely in the now is TOTALLY amazing (and exhausting). I’m all like ‘woo moveable alphabet, woo north america map, woo number rods, woo button frame’. Also, there’s now a button on my arm. Push it and I say,”Choose a work.” The button on the other arm, when pushed, makes me say,”Walking feet, please.”

It’s absorbing and interesting, but it doesn’t leave much energy for writing. If I decide to go do the training (and I’m still thinking elementary, actually…sweet as the primary kids are, cool as their lessons are, I still had to change two diapers this week and I strongly prefer my students potty-trained –not that I minded it in the short term, with a finite deadline), I don’t think I’ll also be writing. I’m ok with that, essentially. I like kids and I like Montessori better than I like writing. Huh. That seems all turned around crazy because I was pretty sure writing was the thing I liked best in the world. And I was pretty sure I tolerated kids but didn’t really love them, or have any interest in being with them every day. And maybe I still love writing in its own way, but this writing career thing is really unsatisfying and burdensome and not what I’m after, I don’t believe. Like even if I ever ‘made’ it (of itself a statistical unlikelihood) to be a recognizable name that regularly sold stories and maybe even a novel…that doesn’t seem like a gratifying achievement…it’s not something I’m longing for. Whereas there’s at least one rewarding moment to be had EVERY single day in a classroom. There’s disappointments, but there’s no shortage of joy and positive reinforcement either. Writing (the business side anyways, with the submitting and the rejection and the submitting again) is 98% disappointment and 2% joy. It doesn’t seem crazy to want the thing that gives daily joy, does it? I mean I totally feel like a quitter, even just thinking about giving up on the writing thing, but really, what was the point of the experiment if I can’t except a failed outcome? I’ll have to think about all this some more. Huh. I usually think things out first and THEN post them, instead of thinking out loud on the page. This was supposed to be quickie update post, not a muse about life and writing post. It has been a long week if I’ll just spill my guts unpremeditated like that.

Right well, what I really wanted to post about is how Montessori is so coooooool, and I’m more convinced than ever that it was (and is) totally the right thing for my kid, and I want to learn all about it and maybe even teach it to other kids someday. That is all, good night.


Sat 08th Nov 2008 at 6:39 am

Whatever you decide to do I’m sure you’ll do it well. I never felt much of a connection to other peoples’ kids until I started teaching Sunday School, and then all of a sudden I realized how much fun they are. So I totally get it. As for writing, I don’t think you have to give it up – but time off couldn’t hurt, right?

Sat 08th Nov 2008 at 9:22 am

We have such a small window of life in this world, and out society has decreed that you must spend a large portion of it earning your right to live. If you can do so and derive great joy from it, I think you almost owe it to yourself. Good luck!

Also: Just Like Heaven

Sat 08th Nov 2008 at 8:16 pm

It takes some people a lifetime to figure out what gives them joy, so if you find that teaching is something that makes you happy – go for it! By the way, as I read your post all I kept thinking was how I could totally see you as a teacher. I think you would be amazing.

Mon 10th Nov 2008 at 9:54 am

I have to agree with Kelly about the totalling seeing you as a teacher. I’ve figured for a long time now that you’d be great at it so if it makes you happy go for it. Besides, maybe you’re supposed to learn all this cool stuff so that you can write about it and pass it on to other people who are considering it.

Mon 10th Nov 2008 at 10:53 am

"And will you ever know that I’m in love with you?"

Tue 11th Nov 2008 at 10:53 am

Teaching is one of the most rewarding jobs I’ve experienced. If you like it, and you can get a job doing it, I don’t think it’s something you’ll regret.

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