23 January 2003 by Published in: Sophia No comments yet



So consolidation of diary mechanism is now complete. I transferred and modified all my scripts so that
they work from my labtob. In fact, I just POSTED from my labtob. Last weeks two entries. So
basically, after clearing out the backlog on the 15th and posting last week’s entries I am in a
position where there’s no leftover entries unposted and hanging about AND the latest update is recent!
Amazing. Hurrah for New Year’s resolutions.

So it looks like I have only one thing left on the list I posted two entries ago to discuss :
weaning. I guess this would be the cue for the squeamish to scrolldown a few paragraphs. When
Sophia was first born, I had dreams of having her weaned by her first birthday, but when that came and
went I was really hopeful for the 15 month mark, and after that the 18 month mark. Both of those have
passed and Sophia is still nursing. The weaning process is going on, she’s now down to no more than
two feedings a day: morning and night. The thing is, both those feedings are part of a very
entrenched routine, and unlikely to just gradually fade away on their own. The strident pro-breast-feeders
are all about just letting it happen naturally and not rushing anything, but I just don’t see this
moving along without rather a more deliberate and structured denial of service, so to speak. Whereas
the other feedings have been pretty easy to eliminate gradually and without trauma, these last two
are going to be tough, no matter what. So after talking it over with the pediatrician and my husband
and mulling it over, I decided that the morning feeding would be the first to go. This is the second
week in which I only feed Sophia in the mornings on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. On Tuesdays and
Thursdays Kurt takes her while I dress and so the boobies are never seen. Last week we made sure to
have a lot of food choices prepared for her, assuming that she’d be starving if she didn’t nurse. Boy,
were we wrong. Apparently this morning nurse is not about nutrition at all. It’s all about being held
and cuddled and sucking. So it turns out that the best thing to do with her is let her keep her
pacifier and hold her for 20 minutes, until she’s fully awake and ready to face the day. This doesn’t
bode well for giving me more time in the morning, but it’s kind of sweet. She’s been a bit grouchy about
the change, as expected. This morning she asked me for milk, signing and saying it together, and when I
told her “No, sweetie, we’re not having milk right now,” she burst into tears. I feel like she’s strong
enough and old enough to do without the nursings or I wouldn’t be trying this. Doesn’t make it easy to
hold your terribly disappointed, crying daughter though, does it? But besides my faith in her readiness,
I am also anxious to have my boobs back. It’s not too bad right now, because when I just feed her at
night, I know we’re getting to the end of these moments together and I cherish it. So what it boils
down to is this : some mornings, I’m now replacing myself with a pacifier and “teebee” which I’m sure is
not the recommended way to approach this. But you know, I don’t feel at all bad at her pacifier usage
(thought the TV crutch is somewhat guilt inducing). I don’t know how much she uses the “paci” at
daycare, but at home, she knows when it is acceptable and when it’s not and she’ll often hand it to you
when she’s finished with it. Right now she’s allowed a pacifier anytime she’s in her crib, sometimes
in the car (longish rides or when we want her to go to sleep), and every once in a while when she’s had
a particularly rough time of it or hurt herself. She seems to understand that the function of this
item is to make her feel better and at ease, and once she’s recuperated she gives it up quite
willingly. So now, in addition to all those other times, she also gets a pacifier on the mornings in
which she does not nurse. I don’t have the slightest bit of guilt about letting her indulge in that.
Maybe I should.

This week we started a new bedtime ritual. Brushing the teeth. Sophia loves this activity, though
mostly she just sucks on the sweet toothpaste and points to Elmo on her toothbrush and tells me “Elmo!
Elmo!”. She loves this little activity so much that the only way I can get her to put the toothbrush
down is to ask her if she’s ready for milk, now. This delight is promising for when we eliminate the
night nursings. If brushing your teeth is practically as good as nursing, then maybe that’s a good
substitute. I expect that’s about another month away though. I’m going to have to time it a little
carefully, because I don’t want the final weaning to occur at the same time my parents leave. I’ve got
a feeling that their departure is going to be a bit traumatic for her. She’s grown so used to them and
so attached to them.

In other news : I wrote 1500 more words on Cualcotel last night. I’d be happier if it were closer to
2000, but 1500 is quite good given the amount of time that I have. When I was writing daily, I had the
ending pretty well formed in my mind, but now I’ve forgotten it, despite the fact that it’s a mere
three or four scenes away, tops. I’m just going to have to keep going forward until I hit the end, I
guess. I kind of need to re-read what I already wrote, but I’m ambivalent about that. Rather keep
going forward. But I’m forgetting some things that have transpired, and I need a sanity check. Quite
a quandary. I expect it will be solved this weekend, though where I hope to not fail in grabbing an
hour to write (and possibly read), like I did last weekend.


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