Resigned To War

2003/03/11

13:47

Yes. So I stayed home on the 5th, just as planned. It was quite a
meditative day. I disconnected from everything online, watched no news,
played no music and just thought about things. I did stuff with my hands.
I breathed deep. I considered what it means to be at war. What it
means to be at peace. It was a good day. I didn’t really change my mind
about anything that I had written before on my political ranting day, but I
did reflect on it. Now I stop for a moment every single day and pray that
there won’t be war. It seems inevitable, like the momentum cannot now be
stopped, but I look for signs everywhere that we might pull away and pull back.
It doesn’t have to happen. I decided too, that I would in fact give
something up for Lent. I’ve given up chocolate. This is very hard for me,
but it is a luxury of the sort that has often been scarce in times of war
so it seemed to properly represent my sentiments. I am giving things up.
I am letting go. I don’t have to own everything or set everything or
control everything. Neither does my nation.

If you haven’t seen (or heard) it, NPR did
an interview with Kiesling on his resignation. I know copies of his letter
have been floating around the internet, but I thought this interview was
particularly incisive. You can find it by searching “Kiesling” on the main
page. I didn’t link it because I understand NPR has some freaky policy about
linking and I don’t want to bother with it at the moment.

It’s a gorgeous day today, sunny and warm. I think I might go for a
walk in a minute and enjoy the weather.

Sophia got sick on Friday. When we fetched her out of her crib in the
morning, she had thrown up in bed, and neither one of us had heard her and
she was sleeping in her own vomit. UGH. Major parent guilt there. She
followed that up by puking up everything we fed her that day (which as the
day progressed was reduced to sips of water every half hour). I changed
her clothes about 6 times, my own 3 times and Kurt changed at least twice.
It was very unpleasant. More so as Sophia got weaker and weaker and
resorted to just sleeping. Still, it passed, and she’s better now.