And here I go out…with a whimper. Have some links:
So, just two more days of blogging to finish NaBloPoMo. I may yet make it.
Tonight the weather is supposed to change, to go back to winter norms from the freakish (but most pleasant) warm spell we’ve been enjoying. Everyone is intimidated by the forecast of heavy sleet, frozen rain and ice accumulation. It is my goal not to be rushed out the door in the morning, and to have an extra ten minutes to get to school, just in case.
We’re reading Alice in Wonderland to my daughter. Kurt read the first three chapters and I read the fourth one tonight. Just now, Kurt came in to kiss Sophia goodnight and she had to catch him up on everything that had happened. I could hear her telling him about Alice playing with the gigantic puppy and it just made me smile. Her reading comprehension improves all the time, both in what we read to her and what she reads to herself. I’ve been remiss, it’s been almost a year since she started reading on her own, and I wanted to be a better documenter of the process. For now I’ll tell you that she still needs to read aloud. When I tell her to read to herself, she whispers the words.
So here’s the thing I wish would happen. I wish Gene Wolfe would write a short story with a female protagonist and from a female point of view. To the best of my knowledge, he’s never done this. If you’ve read Pandora (which I don’t think counts) the protag/narrator is less female than ingenue. Some people think that Wolfe tends toward the misogynistic, and I can kind of see where they’re coming from. Personally, I wouldn’t go that far, but you won’t catch me arguing with any certainty that he’s not either. I think if he just walked a mile in girl heels, so to speak, a lot of that suspicion might be put to rest. On the other hand, it might be reinforced. At any rate, I think it would clear some things up. I want to read what he can do with it. Also, he’s a genius, you can’t tell me he’s not capable of it.
Shortly after I read Seven American Nights, I trawled the archives of the Gene Wolfe mailing list looking for answers to my question, which is: what is the treasure that the main character seeks to recover? I didn’t find any satisfactory answer. In fact, hardly any material even dealt with that question directly. Everyone else was absorbed in the question of the missing day. If you read it, and you have ideas about the treasure, I would love to hear them.
By the way, it’s not too late to cast your vote in the reading vacation quiz! You can make the difference in whether or not I read Infinite Jest. Actually, I lied. I’m not reading Infinite Jest no matter what but there are plenty of other choices.
I got paid today. For the first time in two years I have a paycheck. When I did Spanish classes for the primary, I more or less did it out of love, and it was once a week, half hour, no big deal. This year I’ve added the elementary, and that eats up a whole afternoon, not counting prep. So when I started that in September, the school offered to pay me hourly. I felt that was fair, and accepted, and turned in my hours for the semester (so far) today and got paid. It’s a pittance, of course, but it’s money which I earned, doing something that was largely very rewarding and which I seem to have a pretty good knack for. I don’t want to get into a debate about inborn ability versus training here, but if you simply go by pedigree, I ought to be a teacher. My father and brother are both teachers, my maternal grandmother was a teacher and if you go back to my great grandrelatives, you’ll find an assortment of buildings on small Southern college campuses named after them. Being in a classroom feels natural to me. I wing it, and sometimes I really crash and burn, but what’s surprising is how often I don’t. And by winging it, I don’t mean that I don’t prepare things in advance, I mean that I just make lessons up out of my head. There’s no book, no lesson plan, no guidelines or overarching order I’m following. Perhaps that’s not something I should own up to. Hey! Look at me! Flying by the seat of my pants!
Then again, it’s not like writing isn’t that every single day. And as of yet no one’s paid me for that. Not even a pittance.
Shriek: an afterword by Jeff VanderMeer. (best guess 25) [specfic]. Janice Shriek’s melodramatic afterword to Duncan’s 600 plus page history of Ambergris, with additions by Duncan and edited by Sirin. I liked this book. I babbled about it in an open letter to JV here before I’d finished it. Now, that I’ve finished it, I’m pretty pleased. He totally nailed the ending. I finished it on 11/28/05.
A few lingering thoughts about Shriek: an afterword and about Jeff VanderMeer’s response to my letter (That response, astonishingly, came more quickly than it would have had I stamped and mailed the letter! So much for my corner of the internet being seekrit, veiled by its relative obscurity. Though I guess I don’t have to be afraid of writing to writers anymore. From my sample set of one, anyway, they do not bite when you write to them. Best not to write to evil monkeys, though.)
First, the book. I shall try to put this into words, but I don’t know if I will succeed. The book itself, end to end, smacks down the polite fiction that novels are acts of communication. We like to think, as readers, that we are entering a doorway (doors, mirrors, windows everywhere in this work, btw) into a world the author created for us. Reality (I think and perhaps the author suggests so in this book – I certainly read it that way) is more like we build our own world, borrowing words the author has conveniently placed before us. But there’s possibly no real contact there. The incidents are isolated from one another. The act of creation, the act of receiving the creation work in parallel: never touching. I think this is a revolutionary concept, especially amidst all this talk of the writer/reader contract. I think one of the highest functions of art is to be contercultural, and I think this book is that on top of everything else it is (well-written, interesting, enjoyable, harrowing). The fiction of connection may arise, in part, from the reader trance I was talking about earlier. We go to a place not of our own making, therefore we assume it is the place of the author’s making. But VanderMeer denies there is such a place at all. There are only words, and the page, and either the writer alone with the words, or the reader alone with the words. That is all. Surprisingly, and cleverly, he denies the place by keeping you from it, using the very machine that would normally take you there. He may have said, “You will not get lost in this story, despite how well-told it is. I will not let you. I will remind you at every paragraph of its existence as story, an artifice.” My analysis, of course, is based on my reading, my own little castle I built with the words I was given. Is it what he meant? A part of what he meant? Not at all what he meant? I have no idea. Nor is it possible for me to ever know given only the work. In fact, my thoughts are largely so much interpretative chaff, but the book invites that, at the same time as it mocks it. There’s perhaps no absolute truth, only little truths, strung together on this thin wire of text. There’s no connection, but you will receive this message through a connection. A paradox. This book is bending my brain. Maybe in the end I will love it after all, though I said I wouldn’t.
Second, Jeff (is that too forward?) referred to the error on page 95 as something that occurred as he was adjusting “the mix” of the story. The long list of bands at the back of Shriek implies a strong connection between music and writing in VanderMeer’s work. My husband is a musician and a sound engineer so we often have these long rambling conversations about how making music is and is not like writing. We had a conversation just last week in which I was discussing writing to formula. It appears to be an easy way to make money, with a reliable repeatable product, but I can’t do that. If you give me a formula, I have to mess with it. He explained to me that it was a common requirement in studio training that an engineer precisely duplicate an existing recording. “There’s no other way,” he said,”to be sure that the sounds in your head are the sounds you’ve recorded except by exact duplication of a sound you’ve heard, then internalized.” Of course in writing, exact duplication is merely copying the words, so without involving your brain, it can hardly be expected to help your skills. Still, how much of writing is described by writers as trying to duplicate outside what goes on inside? A lot, it seems to me. And what sorts of tools or exercises might we use to get there? And how would we know when we’d gotten the notes right, unless there was some way to record it, to play it back? Seems like there’s something there that could be useful, if only I could figure it out. Somehow, VanderMeer is already thinking along those lines, already there. He’s fading some sounds and bringing out others. He’s adjusting lines for effect. He’s switching the solos around until it’s perfect. I want that level of control over my prose. I want to have my hand on the slider bar instead of just pushing out words one after another and hoping they’re in tune. I don’t know if I’ll ever get there, but I’ve still got my shoulder to the boulder, stepping up the hill.
What I believe I read in 2005:
{Did I really not read anything between April 20 and July? See, that seems so unlikely. Is this when I first started doing origami? Because let me tell you I find it highly suspicious that I don’t have any origami books on either the 2005 or 2006 lists. I read several.}
So when did I read, and did I finish Modern Classics of Science Fiction? Was that late 2005, or early 2006? Not counted in the list above is Volume 1 of Nausicaa, because I didn’t complete it, but I read most of that at Dave’s after Viable Paradise as well. I was totally ok with not completing it, or looking at any of the other volumes. Are those two my only maybe unfinished books for that year? Not bad.
Apparently, if 2006 was the year of YA, 2005 was the year of graphic novels, and the year of borrowing (mostly from the library, but some from friends) instead of buying. No wonder I felt a bit disinterested in comics this year, considering how many I read last year. I appear, also, to have been very good about entering books into the database in January, because all five of my entries are from that month, and there are none for any of the other eleven months. And it only took me twenty two months to admit that no, in fact, this system was not working for me. I notice that I did one or two line synopses for my database. I may want to do that for my Book List entries, as that might help jog my memory about the book when I’ve otherwise completely forgotten it. My reading experience for 2005 did lead me to the very valuable discovery that nothing prevents me from buying a book after I’ve read it, if I really want to (and I’m more likely to know whether I want to after I read it). The only drawback is that people don’t seem to want to give you things you’ve already read as gifts. I’ve also discovered that if I want to get close to making the 52 book challenge, I probably need to pad my stats with plenty of graphic novels, like I did in 2005. What? They count! Why shouldn’t they count? Count them (as I did) and I’m less than 10 books from 52! I had no idea I was so close. I’m also beginning to strongly suspect I undercounted for 2006, but really, I can’t remember anything else! Curse you, poor memory and wretched record-keeping! I can’t wait to turn over a new leaf with 2007. All books noted, even if it kills me!
It’s completely plain by now, Chris Goodwin, that you only thought I was reading a bunch of non-fiction. No, it’s pretty much fictional stuff in my reading stack for 2005 as well as for 2006, with just a couple of exceptions per year.
Phew. Well that’s the backlog taken care of. No. I’m not looking at 2004. Too far back. Forget it.
This isn’t quite a dream entry, but I woke in the middle of the night with this line in my head “The Chelians primarily follow Shia doctrine.”
Yeah, I have no idea. Maybe it came from a dream, maybe it was a direct download from another world, or maybe the inside of my head is just that odd.
Dear Jeff VanderMeer –
I imagine that you get a lot of letters like this: oh, I love your work! Oh, hey, I think there’s a mistake on this page. This would be exactly one of those, were I to write it and mail it to you. However, I’m sort of saving you the work of reading this by not actually sending it. It’s not like I have something earth-shattering or novel to say to you. Also, I’ve never had enough guts to actually mail an author I admire about their work. I’m not sure why this act seems so intrusive and forbidden to me. I imagine most authors, indeed most types of artists, would be delighted to hear about how great they are from someone, anyone, even a stranger. Maybe writing to someone who traffics in words is intimidating? I’m not sure, and it’s not relevant. I apologize for the introspection. It’s you I’m trying to talk about, or your words, at any rate.
I first fell in love with Ambergris when I read your story “The Cage”, in The Mammoth Book of Best New Horror, Volume 14. What a gorgeous gem of a story. Shivery and magical and so, so strange. I was thrilled to have found the story, and thrilled to have found you. I followed that up with Secret Life which was truly an amazing book with some stunning stories in it. Some of those images are still with me.
I am now reading Shriek: an afterword. I am not sure how I feel about it yet. Ambivalent, I guess. I do like it, and I will finish it, that much I know. It does some very neat things with crosslinked narrative and editorial comment. It’s very clever, and it makes me think about writing at every sentence. One thing it doesn’t do, though, is open up the reader trance for me. I’m so conscious of reading words someone wrote, and so conscious of the altered manuscript of the story, that I cannot lose myself in any of the narrative threads. I’m not sure that’s a good thing. It’s a daring thing, and an interesting thing, but it’s a hard thing to love, when absorption into books is why most avid readers read. It’s as though you’ve snuck off with my opium pipe and given me methadone instead. I’m not going to get the heebie jeebies without my fix, but man, it’s a weird, weird trip and not as euphoric as I would expect (or perhaps desire).
I don’t like Duncan or Janice at all. I’m ok with not liking them, actually. You threw me a few bones, a few people to like: Sybel, Bonmot, the mother. The only shame of it is that the character I love with all my heart, Ambergris, is made more remote by the self-absorbed siblings’ constant, facile commentary. It’s like being in a crowd where that one guy who feels like he must explain everything just will not shut up. I’ve been that guy, actually. I’ve stood behind myself going “shut up! shut up! shut up! no one cares! no one wants to know!”. But I digress. (Again. Maybe this is why I don’t write to writers. Thoughts squish out in all directions). I might wish that Duncan’s and Janice’s shrieking would mute to a dull roar, Ambergris would rise to the foreground and I would hum with happiness and marvel at the strangeness of it all. There are moments, don’t get me wrong. When she’s scraping the mushrooms off Duncan? Awesome. When father takes him on the underground tour? Riveting. The walk in the woods to the statue? Very nice. The suicide attempt is memorable as well. Lots of bits I like a great deal, but the overall structure creates this cordon of writing, this space, between me and what I really want to get to. So…ambivalence.
There’s one thing which I really love, and that’s how the natives of Ambergris characterize themselves. This is too rare in fantasy, though China Mieville does it well also (and, of course, Borges). In this world, people who consider themselves of a (large enough) city often assign themselves qualities that they perceive all natives of that city have. The city has a character, and its character rubs off on them, or they act as though it does. I think this reflects tribe and human nature, and when I don’t see it in fiction, it bugs me. All the lines stereotyping Ambergrisians make me smile. It’s like something Londoners would say, or New Yorkers, or Portenos.
So because I’m so conscious as I read of the writing of the work, and the layers and fictions overlapping the writing of the work, I’m following every word. You’re getting quite a close reading, and I hope a faithful reading, not a good parts reading (being blocked from the trance keeps me from building a good parts version, I think). Here’s my question: on page 95 of the Tor first edition hardback, there’s a paragraph that begins “Back then, he was a mischievous sprout…” Following? Good, well in that paragraph the line “his bright green eyes sometimes seemed too large for his face” appears twice. At first (I have such faith, see), I thought you did that on purpose. That you were going to start increasingly repeating lines at various intervals, to make some point about circularity or Janice’s complete mental dissolution. But then, it didn’t seem to happen again. So, was it just a mistake? One of those human kinds of mistakes? My second question is about the machine in the underground sequence. See, I checked Secret Life out of the library, so I don’t have it handy, but that sequence…seems repeated. Is it? Did you just rip it out of Secret Life and re-purpose it for Shriek: an afterword? It’s not a problem, or anything, but I was a bit surprised to see it again. When you wrote it, did you have Duncan in your head as the narrator, or did you discover that later? Was it just love for that bit of prose that made you use it again? Also, not a big deal, but I can’t help wondering if the afterword is this extensive, how long exactly is the book? Must be some kind of crazy huge tome.
Oh, one more thing. This line: “And let you, O Lord, serve as a light to him, for we are imperfect vessels and we platitude simile extended metaphor with barely any pauses followed by more repetition. Period.” is so near perfect I wanted to make someone else read it. That whole paragraph is deliriously funny and incisive, actually, but I wouldn’t want to abuse fair use by too extensive a quote. Thanks for writing it, and all the other words, too.
Love,
Anarkey
Alas, with yesterday’s failure to post, I’m up to three strikes on the every day posting thing for November. On the other hand, in the past 24 days you’ve been able to read posts from me 21 of them, so you know, not so bad. It’s possible we were achieving saturation anyway. Probably 3-5 days a week is more realistic for the long term (which is way more than you were getting pre-November). We’ll re-evaluate once this experiment is concluded.
So, audience participation time. In a mere four weeks, I’ll be going on my reading vacation, and I must decide which books to take. You can help! Below is a list of potential candidates. You may pick up to five, and you may rank them if you wish. I don’t care what criteria you use for your ranking : you can pick books that look interesting or books you’d recommend or assign each book a number and roll dice. Please make a note of your criteria in the comment field, especially if it was especially amusing, or used complex computer modeling.
Possible books to take to Michigan :
Remember, only five of these can go (ok, so maybe six can go). Make your vote count! The losing books must stay home and languish even longer on the TBR shelf, along with that Neal Stephenson book I still don’t feel like reading and the William S. Burroughs biography I’m not interested in at the moment. Yes, it’s true, I give you only a small sampling to choose from. There are so, so, so many more books where those came from. Help make a dent in the pile! I know I can count on you, dear reader.
I’m running out of steam on this every day posting business. It feels weirdly like a Friday for some reason. I hope everyone who is traveling arrives safely at their destination. I hope everyone shares warmth and good food over the next couple of days with either family or friends or both.
I took Sophia to the Chihuly Exhibit at the Botanical Gardens today. It’s the first time we’ve been to the gardens. The day was beautiful, and we both enjoyed ourselves immensely. I bought a bunch of seeds half off, which is a good deal, and they’ll probably germinate fine come spring. I told myself, in the Climatron (which is this cool geodesic dome, visible from the highway), that if I ever needed to remember the smell/sound/sight of the jungle, I could just come here. Sophia kept calling it “the Climatrarion”. There was something cool about being on the grounds when many of the beds are dormant and most of the trees have lost their leaves. It’s probably stunning in spring and summer, but today it was soothing and beautiful. I highly recommend a wintertime visit.